Come Fly With Me – Part II

In my last blogpost, I wrote that the trip to Lisbon did not start that well. That was an understatement to put it mildly. I fly a lot these days. But the problem is that only some of the airlines allow you to order assistance online at the same time as you are booking the flight. From the top of my head – Norwegian and KLM are among those. Probably more, but right now I cannot remember.

Plane observed from under the bridge in Lisbon.

The Portugese TAP is not among the companies that will allow you to book assistance at the same time as you book the flight. So I forgot. Something which would turn out to be very very stupid…

AT TAP CHECK-IN OSLO AIRPORT GARDERMOEN:
Me: Which seat do I have?
TAP: 24d
Me: “Wonderful!” (trying to be sarcastic without being successful)
TAP: …
Me: Do I have assistance? I’m not 100% sure.
TAP: No
Me: Can you register then? I’m sorry I must have forgotten. I’ve booked so many flights lately. And most airlines you can book assistance when you book the flight.
TAP: I don’t know what to do. Talk to my colleague!
TAP2: You are supposed to order assistance 48h before.
Me: I know. I’m sorry. I forgot. These things can happen.
TAP2 (5 min later): Nobody’s answering in Portugal. I don’t think we can allow you on the flight.
Me (with my most presidential voice): I am leading an important meeting in Lisbon. I am GOING on this flight even if I have to crawl in and out of the plane.

(35 minutes later)

TAP2: Ok, we will let you onboard. Even if we don’t have to.
Me: So do I get assistance here in Oslo?
TAP2: We cannot book that before Lisbon answers.
Me: But you just said I could board the plane? Then you must be able to book also?
TAP2: Maybe you wait here 15min longer.
Me: But then I might miss boarding?!
TAP2: Ok, well go then.
Me: Yeah, I think that’s the best.

Me (thinking): Goodbye and thank you for referring to me as “the wheelchair” and treating me like a 2nd class citizen.

Bon voyage!

Well I got to Lisbon. Hooray hooray. The crew was actually pretty nice to me. And assistance showed up both in Oslo and in Lisbon. When I got to the arrival hall, I could not find my transport. I looked and looked to find a sign with my name on it. Then I saw Céu.

Céu: Hi Ingunn, nice to see you!

Me: Hey, nice to see you too. Are you doing the transfer yourself?

Céu: Yes, me and my husband are doing the transfers. But we cannot find the Egyptian doctor. Do you know how he looks like?

Me: No. I have no clue. But maybe Google knows? I will have an icecream while you search for him. I am not used to 27c outside. It is cold in Norway!

Turns out Google knows everything. Céu found the Egyptian doctor and his wife. And we stuffed all our belongings into her car. On our way to new adventures in Lisbon. With the UNBreakable Alliance. 😉

After 5 days of meetings and three lovely days of holiday, I was going back with KLM via Amsterdam. And since I suspected that I might have forgotten to order assistance on these flights also – I called (48 hours in advance):

Me: Hello, this is Ingunn Westerheim calling.

KLM: Yes, hello. We see you have a flight from Lisbon to Oslo on Friday. Is that correct?

Me: Uhm, yes. How did you know? My phone number?

KLM: Exactly! How may I help you?

Me: Well, I have a wheelchair. And I think I might not have assistance on the flights. 

KLM: Now you have!

Me: Oh, ok! That was fast. And you booked WCHC? Because I cannot walk to the seat.

KLM: Everything in order!

Me: Ok, thank you then (that was the most efficient phone call ever)

 

Fast forward 48 hours:

CHECK-IN LISBON AIRPORT

Me: Which seat do I have?

KLM: 11F

Me: Oh, I cannot walk that far. Good that I have assistance!

KLM: Yes, but you don’t have assistance to the seat?

Me: What, seriously? I called you 2 days ago to order it.

KLM: You only have WCHS.

Me (thinking): Cannot believe this is happening again! 

KLM2: Are you sure you booked WCHC?

Me: Yes, I even asked twice to be sure I had the right assistance.

KLM2: Ok, ok…here’s what we have to do. $”#%#&

KLM1: Ok, here is your boarding pass. We will make sure you have assistance in Lisbon. But we cannot guarantee Amsterdam. You have to apply 48 hours before.

Me: Yes, yes…I know the drill. I will talk to the people on the flight.

Problem was. The flight was delayed. And delayed. So we landed in Amsterdam around one hour behind schedule. And I had originally 1,5 hour between flights. Assistance came fast however (although after all the other people in a hurry left of course).

Me: I’m in a hurry!

Assistance: Oh, we know!

Me: And my next flight is in terminal D. Now we are in terminal B, right?

Assistance: Yes, it is quite a distance. You must wheel through the whole airport. We have to hurry! Are you ready?

Me: I am (take a deep breath).

Assistance (on the walke talkie): Aha. Uhm. Ok. I will tell her.

Assistance: Your luggage will not make it to the next flight. You still want to go to Oslo?

Me (while setting a new speed record with a wheelchair): Phew! Oh yes, be damned sure I want to go to Oslo! 

Still summer in Lisbon.

To make it even more complicated, the plane was a KLM Cityhopper. And for some reason the liftcar does not seem to fit those planes. So the helpers came with a stairclimber. To make a long story short – I refused. Last time I used a stairclimber at an airport, I felt my vertebrae turning into dust. There was no way I was going to use this means of torture to enter the plane.

Me: Carry me on the arm, please!

Assistance 2: But we are not allowed to do that!

Me: But I am only 30 kilos (ok, I withdrew 4…am I really bad?)

Assistance 2: But security reasons…

Me: Well, I am not entering the plane in that thing. It will hurt my back. And you carried me last time I had to board a Cityhopper in Amsterdam. I will not sue you.

Assistance 2: Promise?

Me: I promise (but I will blog about it).

So there I was, being carried on the arm into a full plane. And the poor guy had to hold me for quite a while, because there was a discussion about seating, handluggage…God knows! But I finally made it to seat 11F, that had suddenly changed to 8F (yeah…that helped a lot!)

So…after 1,5 hour, I landed in Oslo. No luggage. But then I had even more room to carry wine from the tax free. Always look on the bright side of life, eh? Not that funny that my socks and jacket were left in the luggage in Amsterdam. And in Oslo it was only zero degrees compared to Lisbon’s 20c. But…at least I was home. I was allowed to board all flights (however not without obstacles). And with more action points to put on my paranoia list.

Until next time. Bon Voyage & remember to put your socks in the hand luggage!

 

 

 

Wheeling Zürich (part 1) – The Kind Samaritans

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man’s world

Abba

Along the river, in front of Grossmünster.

KLM-woman (at the counter) “Are you going to send the bag?”

Me: “Yes, that was kind of why I put it here.”

KLM-woman: “Well then, it costs you 134 kroner.”

Me (negatively surprised): “Am I not allowed to send one single item without paying extra?!”

KLM-woman: “No. Are you sure you don’t want to carry it on board?”

“Yes, I really don’t bother to carry my bag all through the airport and on the plane”, I answered and picked up my Visa card. Somehow this was going to be slightly symptomatic of my journey to Switzerland…

Me: “Can I have a window seat?”

KLM-woman: “No, there is none left. And besides, new rules from KLM says that disabled people shall under no circumstances be placed in the window seat.”

Me: “Uhum, really…?”

KLM-woman: “But you can try asking again at the gate. They might be able to change it.”

So I did. And at the gate I got the same stupid answer.
“No seat for you!”
At least not by the window…

If you have a window seat you might be able to see the Swiss alps.

But things were going to change. When I got on board I met the handsome steward R…

R: “Where are you going?”

Me: “Uhm, Amsterdam. Or maybe you were referring to seats? 10C”.

R: “Not anymore!”

Me: *just blinking*
Me: “Ok?” (Am I at the wrong plane or something…?)

R: “I am hereby upgrading you to business class. You can sit at the first row. Would seat F be ok with you?”

Me: “Ehm, yes indeed. Thank you very much. You are the first in….maybe ever, to upgrade me to business class.”

R: “I am happy to be your first…” (with a grin)

The Netherlands is flat, isn’t it?

So then I sat there on business class and had first row all by myself. In your face KLM!

And R was instantly upgraded as my favourite steward of all times. If I didn’t have a date in Zürich, I think I would have flown away with him anytime. But I am sure he was gay anyway…

R: “What would you like to drink?”

Me: “Well, I think this calls for prosecco or something. Do you have that?”

R: “Well not really, but you can have champagne. Would that be ok?”

Me: “I think I will be able to survive…” (still grinning)

Life of leisure in business class…

In Amsterdam my transfer gate was really close, so I wheeled myself over to the gate and sat down to relax. After 5 minutes a Russian-sounding woman came over.

Russian woman: “Hi. How are you?”

Me: “I am fine thanks, how are you?”

Russian: “Fine. I was just wondering if you would like to come with me to a secluded place, so I can pray for you.”

Me: “Uhm, no thanks. I am fine the way I am (actually very fine today to be honest)”

Russian: “Are you sure? You know, Jesus loves everybody.”

Me: “Ehm. I am sure. But you know…I am not a Christian, so I think I decline your offer.”

Russian: “Are you really really sure? You know, everyone has a special place in God’s heart.”

Me: “YES. I. AM. SURE. PLEASE GO AWAY!”

And during the week-end we were surrounded by muscular men with a t-shirt saying: “I finished the Iron Man.” I think they would be sexier without the t-shirt… But Jesus loves everyone.

And then she went away. And I was wondering who the next kind samaritan I would meet on my way would be…

I guess they were more of the usual kind. One and a half hour later I was in Zürich. And the minute the other people had left, I was greeted by two super friendly Swiss assistance guys: “Grüezi”. A word I was going to hear a lot of times during the coming week-end. But no matter how hard I practiced, I would never manage to pronounce it correctly.

The Swiss (this one from Australia) – quite similar to Norwegians I think, but still a mystery to me…

According to my guide book, the Swiss are both polite, a little bit strict and have most things in order. Not very false advertising I would say…

At the airport I met my friend, we took the train to the main train station and decided to walk from there to the hipster hotel I had chosen for us – the 25 hours hotel.

25 hours hotel in Zürich – übercool, friendly and accessible.

And I must admit, the hotel was so cool it deserves a blog post of its own. After a pitstop with pasta at Santa Lucia in Josefstrasse, we arrived at the hotel where we spent the rest of the evening relaxing with drinks at the super cool patio. La vita e bella.

And of course. The guys at the neighbour table were…Norwegians. They are everywhere!

But in Zürich the vita is also expensive. Turns out the cocktails cost 16 CHF (Swiss Franc) each!! My goodness! This is more or less the same as 136 kroner, which makes our hotel bar more expensive than ANY bar in Oslo. I never thought that would be possible to be honest…

In Zürich you can buy designer bags made of used car equipment if that suits you. The Freitag shop is however not very wheelchair accessible.

Or you can shop at Tiffany’s at the airportt…

Zürich is oldfashioned, modern and hip at the same time.
And it will ruin you, in some way or another…

The Carioca Way

We have arrived in Rio! 🙂

The 11,5 hour flight went smooth. We traveled with KLM via Amsterdam. The food, service and entertainment was good. And getting a few hours sleep after staying up for 24 hours was even better.

However, when we arrived in Brazil, things started to go a bit less smoothly. When we got out of the plane (with the on board wheelchair), two cariocas (Rio inhabitants) were waiting for us with two very old fashioned wheelchairs. I tried English and Spanish, but no response. Sign language however, gave me a hope that our chairs would be found at the luggage hall downstairs.

After a short while (having a disability can sometimes be an advantage) we got our passport stamped and arrived at the airport elevator (through a secret locked door). The airport in Rio has 2 elevators. The only functioning one is covered with something similar to a blue sleeping bag, and inside there is a lady sitting on a chair (that takes 1/3 of the elevator space). Very Twin Peakish, I must say…

After passing the secret polstered elevator, we got to the luggage hall, where we had a great reunion with our wheelchairs. The luggage on the other hand turned out to be quite a long term project. Our bags came after 1 hour. But it came.

After trying 5 times to withdraw some cash, we also got some reais to pay for the taxi. But where was he? We looked all over, but could not locate the pre–booked taxi from the Marina Palace Hotel. We inspected all the men with signs, but no sign saying Ingrid. Finally we got in touch with the hotel by phone:
– Where is our driver?
– He is right there waiting for you
– Yes, but we cannot find him. He was supposed to hold a sign.
– Where are you guys?
– We are standing in front of exit 4 – and we are two girls in wheelchairs, we should be easy to spot.
– Yes, but what kind of clothes are you wearing?
– Ahum…I think perhaps two girls in a wheelchair will be pretty easy to spot…

Eventually, Mr. SLOWLY came over and introduced himself. It turned out that the promised big car had a very small trunk. Since we had travelled for 17 hours, and he did not have a sign, and not any good excuses, we did not want him to let him off the hook very easily. We made him dismantle both our chairs into peaces and stuff all our luggage (and ourselves) into the car. In Brazil, driving with two wheels loose on the dashboard does not qualify as a problem, so we headed off to Marina Palace Hotel at Leblon.

After a 40 minute drive, it turned out that the ramp into the reception was REALLY steep. But they DID have a ramp. And they DID give us a good deal to compensate for the missing wheelchair transportation (meaning 3×5 free breakfasts).

We had arrived in Rio! In one piece and WITH our luggage and wheelchairs. And our rooms were nice AND accessible with a wonderful view to Ipanema beach. With a slightly complicated introduction to the carioca way, we were still looking forward to the next chapter… 🙂